


Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Night Terrors, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27716510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Depressed and tormented by nightmares, Nikki attempts suicide, but is saved just in time.Mick knows that he has little options and nowhere to go, but he's determined to save Nikki from himself.
Relationships: Mick Mars/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Love Me Like There's No Tomorrow

**Nikki Sixx**

It was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier. 

Lights bounced off of the knife, shining in false beauty, a silent testament. 

' _It will all be over soon - the pain, the suffering - but you have to take that final plunge.'_ Nikki looked down, squeezed his eyes shut, willed those last breaths to be worth it, feeling the wind in his hair and tasting the salty air in his lungs. He could hear the seagulls squawking from above, could smell the sea, could see the dawn as it approached above the horizon. 

A new day would be starting soon, and that dark blue would turn light, and somebody would have to clean up his mess, again. But it would be the last time, so they couldn't complain too much, now could they? Nikki licked his lips, sitting down onto the sand, wrapping his arms around his legs and looking at a world he would never see again. 

It was a decision he had wrestled with for years, but now, this was it - that final plunge into the unknown. There was nobody around to save him, nobody around to press cloths to the wounds and call for help. Nikki was completely, totally alone in the very early morning, and he intended to keep it that way. 

Lord only knew that this would be his best chance. 

Alonw, just as Nikki had always liked it. 

Nikki knew that he was ready to die - he could feel the readiness in the beating of his heart, in each and every breathe. And after years, years, and years, Nikki was pleased with how he was choosing to end things; alone, and with his only persistent company over the years by his side. People came and they went, disappearing just as easily as they'd appeared, but that single, small knife had been with Nikki for much of his life. It was his savior, his lifeline, and the thing that would take his life. 

But, for one last time, Nikki looked at the world, knowing that he would never, ever see it again. 

Waves crashed onto the sand, bringing ashore multicolored seashells and a various assortment of other small treasures. Clouds rolled through the sky, threatening rain but never delivering. The wind was howling, and the sun was just barely managing to peak up over the horizon. 

In a way, it was strangely poetic, that as one life ended, another would begin anew, but Nikki was too exhausted for any kind of coherent thought about suns and lives, and so he only could stand up, taking one last look at the world as he had never known it before walking away, a lone seashell crunching under his boot as he went. 

It was a short walk back to Nikki's tiny little apartment, back to a place that seemed so dark and lonely. The curtains were drawn, preventing light from seeping in through, as if Nikki were some vampire, and it was a complete and utter mess, with clothing strewn across the floor. Nikki would've made some attempt at cleaning it, but he was so exhausted, and everything would just be thrown out, anyways, so what would be the point?

Nikki sat down on the couch, feeling strangely calm, rolling up his sleeves. 

Looking down, Nikki saw all of his previous attempts - as a child, as a teenager. 

The scars had faded, pale white and nearly invisible against Nikki's pale skin, like none of them were there at all. The deepest one was located on Nikki's inner elbow, an accident, and Nikki traced it with his finger, turning his finger so that his nail grazed over nearly-healed skin, and caused a sting of pain to appear, lingering, as if for a goodbye. Nikki had never liked goodbyes, so he hoped his substitute would be proper, and good enough for the only people he could truly call his family. 

' _Just like you never were.'_ Nikki took a deep breathe, and placed the cold knife against his skin, on the edge of his wrist, right where it became his hand. The feeling was familiar, and comforting, in a strange way. Nikki pressed the tip of the knife down, and dragged it across his skin, slowly, as if savoring the feeling of sharp pain as it shot up his arm, just like cocaine, except this shot would kill him. 

Blood welled up and slid down Nikki's arm, dripping onto his pants, staining them.

The pain was spectacular, like fiery sparks within his muscles, but the cut wasn't deep, and it wouldn't do the job, not even if Nikki waited a week. The worst that would happen was that he'd developed gangrene and then they'd cut his arm off.

Nikki sighed at the thought, and straightened his arm out, placing the knife differently so that he could slit properly. He nearly laughed. ' _What, are you a fucking chef now?!'_ He dragged the knife against his skin, watching as it broke open, hissing through his teeth like some sort of cat. 

And again, Nikki repeated the actions with his other arm, with one smaller cut on his wrist and the bigger cut on the actual forearm, and he watched as the blood poured down, onto the ground, staining his clothes. Muscles pulsed and throbbed, allowing the blood to pour even faster. Nikki placed the knife down beside him, knowing that it may not have been enough, and he slowly lay down. 

The couch was hard, and the springs poked Nikki uncomfortably in the back as he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, at the fan as it lazily spun around in aimless circles until it begun to make Nikki feel dizzy, and he shut his eyes, clothing himself in the darkness. 

' _Fade away, fade away, fade away...'_

Nikki could feel the pain, sharp in his arms, burning, but it began to slowly become lesser and lesser, until he could barely notice it. The sound of the sea through an open window faded away into the background, providing a peaceful backdrop for the sound of his own demise.

There were millions of ways to say goodbye, thousands of ways to say farewell, but all of them hurt. Nikki hoped that they would understand, that they would realize that it was all for the best. It might take awhile for them to get used to it, and it might be a long process of wondering 'why', but they would be happier without Nikki. ' _Happier without the fucking addict.'_ Nikki shivered, feeling a gust of cold wind, but it was hot outside, and the air conditioner was broken. 

Who would discover his body? Tommy? Nikki hoped not - the drummer wouldn't be able to take that. Maybe Vince, or Mick, but hopefully, it would be the maintenance men. Nikki didn't want to hurt his family again. 

' _They don't think of you as your family. Just as some poor little runaway with an addiction and scars. They think you're so fucking disgusting. Mick and Vince and Tommy.'_

The sudden thought of Mick was enough to make Nikki's heart twist. 

' _He'll be happy. So, so happy, that you're finally gone. He'll no longer have to clean up your messes, no longer have to pick up your broken pieces.'_

For his whole life, Nikki had wondered about what lay beyond, if the afterlife was as painful as it was in reality, or if it was peaceful, painless. Nikki hoped so, and he knew that he would find out soon enough. 


End file.
